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#POETRYTIME Grieving part 1.

Updated: Apr 7, 2020

I am a product of a drug dealer and a pastor. Listen to my laughter (smiling in tears)

I am a product of a drug dealer and a pastor.

As a 80's baby, these are the two paths chosen by

American Descendants Of a Slaves, that stayed in the black community. The good.... the evil reflections of every urban society/

I am a proud product of. I AM PROUD OF.


I just lost the 2nd most influential person that came in my life.

(Exhales in tears)

No i'm not going try to kill myself, like I tried the first time,

Over time, I realize it was HIS TIME/ because God gave me time/ to Watch.

HIS STORY.

Him Teaching me how to be Greater than the first.

(Southern Baptist Pastor cadence)

Using my Intellect/ so i won't be on a t-shirt before him.

Managing my priorities/ I don't know about you (Well)/ but when I handle my business...(hmmm..hmmm)

I feel more godly (Ya'' don't hear me)

Although God blessed the child that has his own/

It takes a real man to maintain it.

Now, Now E.... E... In order to be everlasting. that's Romans 2:6 - 2:7

Who will render to every man according to his deeds:

To them who by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and honour and immortality, eternal life:

That's the pastor in me.


I'm older, I'm wiser. He watch me graduate, evolved.

Shared my name, take it back. Share name, take it back.

He didn't judge because, he loved the man I became.

Over my mistakes, bumps and journeys.

I share his laugh, minus the gold teeth.

I share having pride in his brand...BLACKWELL.

He took over for Dirty Red. Never disowned my real father.

He understand what it takes to raise a man.

AND I'M STILL LEARNING! AND I'M STILL LEARNING!


He cried silently whenever he was proud of me.

He told me when i grow up/

Make sure you get a closet big enough

So you can cry to him and praise him.

He took me to Showbiz Pizza. Whenever I did well in school and home.

He expounds of discipline

Because he didn't want the police to have a reason to touch me.


I remembered When my cousin died... I wanted to be right next to him... so badly.

I felt there was no need to live.

Papa Bishop told me that my drug dealing cousin was a solider and hero.

He refuse to be useless to family so he went out a made a way.

Translation: Never talk about a man, thats trying to be a man. Just do what you can and he will find his own path.

He told me, he wouldn't want me to die, but to live to carry his name.

Not by selling drugs to the community, but the mind set of finding a way when the world around you showing you that there is none.

Now he's gone.

My pastor is gone. However they performed their task. Why am crying? I'm crying... I'm grieving.... Im reflecting But i'm not going to kill myself.

IM STILL GROWING.


A. BLACKWELL


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